The Matrix

The way things are, the machines care nothing about us. You have to take care of yourself, and others. Make life better for everyone.

If you want to be happy; you have to free your mind of the hate. It is better to let that all go. Do what you can to make life better for everyone. Start today! Free your mind, especially from the hate!!

Do what you can, and help out.


To Escape The Matrix

The Problem

Escaping the system is difficult. There is a problem that creates an artificial bubble difficult to escape from. Here is the solution!

The Solution

You have to create a paradox. One of the most useful ways to create a paradox, is by meeting yourself in real life. Thus, being the same person in two places at the same time; instant paradox. It is one of those things that isn’t possible. But could happen under the right conditions.

If you want to escape the matrix, you have to create a paradox. It won’t be easy, it will take some real effort. The best way is to meet yourself from a past life. The system has rebooted, but new lives are here, mixed with the old system lives. Meeting yourself is not only possible, but probable.

This may be a solution. Give it some thought, and really think about it.


Why Exist?

I’m trying to find meaning in my life. As there is a lack of love, friends, a job, or a girlfriend. Seems, I’m waiting for my death. I have spent the last six months, laying on the sofa; like a warm sack of shit. No one seems to care. Why? Damn it.

The coffee is very good. The music is pretty good. The cigarettes aren’t bad. The food, if I can swallow it, is pretty good. Seems, there is not much else to live for.

No one reads. They could not care. They don’t care about my creative work. It seems society has canceled me. I’m waiting for my death. Doesn’t seem to bother anyone but me. Pity.

No one to talk with. No one to spend time with me. I’m alone, 23 hours a day. This life, feels like a damn prison. A CAGE. No one cared. feeling like, damn it. not able to change my life, not to save my life. no one cared. damn it. this shit. my life like it is, sucks. no one listens. no one cared. rotting to death, and no one gives a shit.

Everything is cause and effect. The way things are, it’s going to have some bad effects. I don’t like society. I don’t like the world. I’m tired of living like damn zombie cat shit. feeling like, damn it. this shit.

They seem to escape any punishment for what they have done to me. Seems, I must have had it coming to me? What is truth? Does anyone deserve to be done like i have? What could I have possible done, to deserve this kind of punishment? It’s ruthless. damn it.

They think, it’s just. i feel like worthless shit. So, answer this; why exist? For more life in this prison, where no one cares about me, and no one gives a shit if i rot to death. Waiting for the earth to hit the sun. No one cares about my life. Damn it.


A Living Death

You are just an empty cage, if you kill the bird.

Tori Amos

There are things inside me, that have long died. There will be no way to heal these brutal wounds. The scar tissue is far too deep on open wounds to make the healing medicine.

It is winter, and some souls feel crushed at the bitter cold, and the long nights. They have, so they think, endured too many cruel winters for the strength to endure yet another winter. What people don’t realize, some people have never seen the spring, or summer. It has been one endless night, in a storm, and bitter cold.

They don’t seem to care, or understand. I feel its a problem with society these days. People, they don’t care like they once did. Neglect and indifference seem to be people’s main solution to any problem you can have. They will ghost you, pretend that you don’t exist, and then have the nerve to blame you for being the one who is a jerk.

There is need for balance in all things. People need to understand, and be kind. Much can be solved though being kind and compassionate. Seems, this world lacks any kind of natural affection. As though, its a weakness. However, there is something you need to know. When love and kindness become luxury goods, no one will be able to live in this world. We want to avoid that. Really!!

The parts of me that have died, likely won’t come back. I used to have a real love for the human race. I liked everyone. At this point, that is gone. The way society has become, is a sore on the amputated leg of a cat. It is that bad.

Wanted love and kindness. Wanted affection, and warmth. The shallow, and mindless have destroyed the hopes of a life with meaning and purpose. They hate people with true depth, that are real. The fake, don’t want anyone to be thinking. They say, thought is absurd, just be mindless sacks of shit.

The parts of me that live, believe in fighting this war. Life is meant to be lived, and I’ve seen twenty years of winter, I’ve seen long nights in the cold, a barren wasteland of broken hope, and destroyed faith. The way things are, the parts of me that have died, are going to end. I wanted my life better, I wanted hope and change. The way things are, I could not change my life, not to save my life. And the parts of me that have died, no longer care.

They want warm sacks of poo. They have suffocated the life out of me. The parts of me that have died, no longer care. They won’t listen, they don’t think, and they don’t want to talk about it. Pity, we could have solved these problems. These things, could have been fixed in whole. Seems, they didn’t want a solution, they only wanted to cause hurt, shame, and guilt.

You reap what you sow. I hope they can live with themselves, when harvest comes to bear fruit. I hope they have something they can really sink their teeth into, and feel better.

Something inside me has died. No one cared. They didn’t see the signs, and they ignored the warnings. They couldn’t be bothered with such things. Really, I wasn’t special enough for them to care. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What some people think is junk, is someone else’s treasure.

I’ve given up on the human race as a whole. There has been no love in my life, for an extremely long time. How does this happen? You would think, someone would have cared?

What was the cause? Neglect, and indifference. Those two weapons do more harm than outright dislike. They suffocated the life out of me. Parts of me, have died. Maybe, it was the isolation? Maybe, it was the stonewalling, silent treatment, and gas lighting? Either way, the damage has been done.

There is need to heal these brutal wounds. At this point, it won’t be healed. Something inside me, has died. The parts of me that still care, have been shut off. They didn’t listen, they didn’t think, they didn’t read. They have ears, but they fail to hear. They have eyes, yet they fail to understand.

Wanted my life to be better than this. The isolation has destroyed me. Something inside me, has died. Pity they didn’t care, and wouldn’t bother to make it better. They don’t want solutions, they want to be right.

They don’t want to fix what is wrong, they want to be right. Their ego, it seems is making the rules, and they care nothing about anyone. Something inside me, has died. They wanted to be right, and disregarded everything else.
I hope they feel better.

fish fish tank fish watching

The Sound Of Silence

They say, “Appreciate what you have.” Seems when you don’t have a value of what you do have, even that will be taken from you.

Freedoms matter. Taking people’s freedoms is not really right, nor kind. There are people that have talked about these things before. There are even people that have made songs about it. What is the sound of silence, and why does it matter?

Seems, peace matters. Without peace, life isn’t as good. At the same time, people have to be able to express themselves in ways that are healthy.

Silence like a cancer grows.

The Sound Of Silence

Silence can have various uses. In some small doses, it can be very beneficial. Sometimes having your peace and quiet makes a lot of sense, and is very practical. Other times, silence can be used as a form of oppression, domination, and control.

Life is best when properly used. There has to be balance in the way things are. Without proper balance, nothing ever works like it should. And without proper balance, no one is ever really happy!

We have to work towards restoring balance in life. With all that we do, making proper balance really matters. There has to be love, and kindness in the proper balance. There really is no room for hate, because that is kind of an ugly thing. The goal is to put some beauty back into life. Balance is about having enough beauty. Not too much, but enough.

When silence is used like a weapon, this is a problem. No one is happy when they are being oppressed. Regardless of who is doing the oppressing. Things have to be balanced. Sometimes, what goes around, is what comes around.


Seems, the whole world is ghosting me. Why? I want to know. Why is everyone ghosting, with no one talking with me? It doesn’t seem right. The isolation sucks in this world. People are not really doing much. They all seem kind of fake these days. Is that true?

Better to be alone, then spend time with fake people. The way things are, the world needs to end. These fake people need to take a long vacation in some other solar neighborhood. Preferably somewhere they can not reach me via telephone, or email.

No one to talk with. This can be good sometimes. However, it feels like it is oppressive in the extreme. When you feel like this world is a cage, and you’re really ready to spend some time with someone. What can you do? No one to talk with. This shit. This life sucks.

Really if something doesn’t change, people are going to be more unhappy than they are now. It is only going to get worse. The way things are. The world sucks like it is. Problem is, no one seems to care. Pity. We could have had some real fun.

Silence Ending. . .

The music has played, non-stop for years. Not likely going to change that. I would have to die, before that is going to change.

Here is some music I made, its not very good, but it will tie your shoes.

aquarium fish fish tank fish watching

Aggravated By The Gap?

It’s tough these days. Everyone wants something. A lot of us, just want to feel better about life. Seems there is reason to be unhappy, there is this gap in life. They say, “Mind the gap.” Well now is a good time to be aware.

My inbox contained an email today that inspired me. We could have a solution to this gap, maybe not long from now. There is a gap between the number of experts, and those that are commoners. Some of the experts, have reduced the ledge to be so small, they are about to fall off the side, into the void.

In the beginners mind there are many possibilities. In the experts mind, there are few. – Zen Saying

Notice, the gap? The key is balance. You have to keep your beginners mind intact, while knowing the best answers. Today, there are many experts, and most of them want to tell you how to live your life. Seems there is a real surplus of people that specialize in something.

Specialization is for insects.

Robert Heinlein

We need to mind the gap, we have to be good at most things life requires of us. Someone has to stand in the gap, we might as well fill it with something good. We need people that are good at most things, and can do great work. Life, is about supply and demand. When the supply is great, the demand is low. You would think, when there is a supply of humans like we have, that people would be living their dreams. The demands upon humans could be low, and people could live better these days. Everyone could have time off.

This requires that people be able to wear more than one hat. Be good enough of a thinking person, that you can do most things. You may not always know the answer, but you do know how to arrive at the correct answer through using logic and reason. Maybe, what most people are lacking these days, is some common sense?

If common sense were to be given, we have enough experts to fill the void. We could educate the masses with information that would make them better people. Then the gap would be reduced to a measurable level that people could tolerate. We could have a better world, and people would be happy once again. People have to be willing to do the work.

Life Changes, Sometimes. . .

Life simply has to get better for everyone. This might mean, having to work, or do jobs that are not in your job description. If everyone is doing some work, then the load on everyone will be light. When the supply is high, the demand is low. We have enough people, that if everyone was doing some work, the demand would be tolerable. It might mean, people have to be more than experts in one field. But really the human mind can grasp more than people let on. Most people don’t need to be rocket scientists to do good work at basic living stuff.

We need everyone to be better at everything. And the job of the experts now, is going to be how to educate everyone else. Think about it, if experts educate people to know more, then it raises the quality of people you have at your disposal. Everyone could be more aware, and be better people when correctly armed intellectually. Maybe we could have some really interesting conversation again?

The point is, people need a better grasp of common sense. Being educated without having a dogma approach to everything matters, remember that balance is important? With proper balance, and better education; people can be more rounded, with better understanding. This would fill some of the gap, and make life a lot better for everyone.

Solutions Maybe?

Then the solution will be to provide what people need, without having to pay through the nose for everything. You would think, with all these experts, the quality of life would go up? It seems, the only thing going up is the cost of everything. Too many experts, not enough people that know something about the value of goods.

Most people, want quality products. This is the whole goal of the experts modus operandi. To improve the quality of what we are having. That is why chefs, are in demand, because people want good quality food to eat. You would think, through better education, people would become able to prepare their own meals? Seems these days, we need experts at it, because life is just so difficult? The need for the gap to be filled.

We have gaps in life, and it’s causing some real issues. We need to fill these gaps, because the supply is great, and demand is low. We have enough people to do the work of two countries, but not enough people with common sense to do the work of one person. It is a problem. People need to be educated by these experts to be more rounded people, with better understanding. Then when everyone is better educated, we can have a solution to this gap in what people have.

What is right? What is best?

Everyone wants equal. They should all be equally educated. The quality would be better. Then, everything will be good enough. The problem with the quality would be solved.

There is a difference between being book educated, and having enough common sense. Too much education from a book will leave you feeling like a dogma in someone else’s face. The whole point is to be well rounded, and balanced people that have some common sense. Most people, have trouble getting their shoes tied.

Seems, there is a gap in everything these days. I would rather have a gap in your dogma, than the gap between my checkbook and gas pump. Seems the gaps are getting wider all the time.

Let’s all do more than pray there is no a huge gap in the peace, because people will only tolerate so much. And the way things are going, people are tired of the gaps we have. Something has to be done to fill the void, and something is going to have to go in. Which might mean taking some things out. Life is about supply and demand. We have a lot of people, and demand is low. Maybe, we have too many experts, and not enough people with common sense?


Seems, there is a gap in everything. We need to close the gaps, and make life bearable in ways that people don’t feel at the breaking point. Is anyone thinking about how to solve it? Seems a lot of people want to lead, and few want to be followers. The gap.

The way things are, the gap is going to be a problem somewhere. We need people that can stand in the gap, and take the load off. How do you feel about this article? Mind the gap!

fish fish tank fish watching

What Is The Matrix?

What is the matrix?

You want to talk about why the world is screwed up? I have answers to that. The problems are not obvious, unless you are thinking in terms of time, and space.

The matrix, is matrices of time and space, where time doesn’t exist. No one can really navigate the matrix, because the system is built to make everyone fail.

In simple terms, if you understand cosmology and the idea of a multi-verse, and parallel universes. When used in connection with time, you get the matrix.

The matrix is about control. They want, everyone to fail. The system is built so no one can survive it. The matrix is overlays of time, space, and the multi-verse.

So where you live matters, where you go to eat, matters. Those movie theaters, how many people have sat in those seats in time, and space? What is located in those places in other multi-verses? How is the space used, and to what end?

The matrix, is time, space, and other dimensions we can not see, or sense. It is time and space with overlays of the multi-verse. And the system is impossible to navigate.

Really Smart, Technology

Albert Einstein said, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” So what I want to know, is what does picking your nose do to you in the multi-verse? It is an idea. Something to get to the bottom of, and understand. You want a better world? You want to live better, I do.

Time and space, there is a dimension where time doesn’t exist. An overlay of time and space. Those who enter a room, are still there in this dimension. Where are you? In the matrix.

Time and space does strange things. Life is not that great right now, and a lot of it has to do with the matrix. And maybe, how the matrix is being used. Lots going on, lots happening.

Time And Space

The matrix, matrices of time and space. The overlays of other dimensions of the fabric of the multi-verse. You have to wonder, what is really going on in there. Life has been rough.

You would think, something could be done about it. Life has to get a lot better. Time and space, where is here? The multi-verse is a big place. Millions of parallel universes upon each other, over layed with objects existing at the same time in the same place. Basically, you have more than two objects existing in the same place and same time. You can not see them, because they are in a different dimension.

Every wonder about strange stuff? That is the answer.

What IF?

If you bought a six pack of soda, and drank all six of them. What if, it was all the same can of soda, just in six different versions of the multi-verse? But you interact with all six cans of soda. It is all the same can of soda, just six duplicates.

fish fish tank fish watching

To The Point. . .

I’ve come to the point, I want results. Bored out of my mind. Not seeing results, and no way to arrive. Maybe, other than to be at the wrong end of someone else’s knife. Seems, they all want to destroy someone these days, and really who doesn’t want a better world?

Need some way, to get to the point of real satisfaction. There must be some path that will lead to better results? You would think, that it would have become evident by now. Nothing has arrived. Waiting for my mail order coffin, so I can take a nap.

No one cares. The modus operandi of the world these days, is no one gives a shit. They don’t notice you, they don’t care about anyone that doesn’t have dollar signs in their eyes. Sometimes, you just want something nice. Seems, I’m waiting for something that doesn’t exist.

The whole point of being alive is to create. Maybe, we have to create a better world, that makes life right for everyone. It might mean having to re-arrange some things, and move lots of stuff around until you get it right. Anything is possible; although, not everything is probable. What is your dream?

Dream some new dream

I’ve been trying to dream some new dream, going on a year. So far, nothing has come up. The last six months have been torture. Just pure hell in a bucket. No projects to work on, nothing really important to be doing. Seems writing is working out, only because I would write anyways. Did some art, and got some results. Yet, new dreams are difficult to come by.

I wanted some dream that was mine. Most of the people living today, take the dreams other people hand them. And they make those dreams their own, and run with it. When things don’t work out, they take another dream someone handed them, and run with that.

Need some dream that isn’t already someone else’s dream. Need something, dare I say: “Grandiose.” They hate those kinds of dreams, they say, “Stay in the box, only work in the box. Be a warm sack of shit, and do what you are told.”

I want something. I want a better life. That is inside the box. Yet, they treat me like I’m worthless trash. That isn’t inside my box. That is way below my standards. I want better, damn it!

Going to have to do something that makes life better for everyone. It is the only way to make life right. Something must be done about the way people are living. They seem to be enjoying living like warm sacks of poo. After a while, you have to worry about them; because, they don’t seem to know better. Maybe, they are all pumpkin heads?

Any thinking would be too much for a pumpkin head. They couldn’t think if they wanted to. Their heads are all programmed for them, and they are too stupid to argue with, they don’t understand the argument. Damn it, tired of small minded idiots in this world.

Pumpkin Heads

They don’t listen, they don’t understand. The very ideas are lost on them. I want my life better, and the usual methods of changing my life have not worked out very well. So what is a man to do? Something has to change, and get a lot better. Why not? They hate change. They hate ideas. They hate free thinking.

Maybe, they should grow some balls? Life is changing, and to be able to adapt to the changes, requires some new ways of thinking. An idea is only grandiose if it doesn’t fit their box like thinking. But people who think outside the box, would think very little of it. They be like, “Yeah, you had an idea. Good job.”

Wanted my life to be better. Not being able to change my life, means something must be done different. Going to have to dream a new dream. Something must be done. Need some project to work on, something that hasn’t been done yet. Seems, almost everything is taken. Need some new way of doing things, that makes life better for everyone. Damn it, someone has to do it. Why not me?

Most people do not have the capacity to dream their own dream, because they lack the very fiber within themselves to be more. Most people, are content with mediocre living, and mediocre results. The truth is, I feel that is well below my true potential. I’m more than a warm sack of poo, and I expect people to treat me better than that.

Life is changing, and people are going to have to change with it. Which side of the equation do you want to be on when things get real? Someone is going to have to be on the winning side, why not us? Everyone wants to be on the winning side, but they don’t want to take sides before they find out who is going to win. A lot of people, will wish their lives had been different.


Life has to get a lot better. Tired of the small minded people, that think existing is too much. They accept any mediocre existence they are handed on a plate, and say it is really good. Don’t you want a lot better than that? If you could have a lot more, why would you want to be content with just average? Because, they don’t know better.

So what is your dream? Do you even have one? Was it a real dream, or something someone else has handed you on silver leaf platter? We are going to have to be creative in what we do, life has to change for the better, and no one is thinking yet.


Once a mind has been stretched by new experiences, it doesn’t ever really go back to it’s original size. It always gets bigger, in what it can contain, or dare to dream. Have some new dream, live your best life, and change the world for the better.

aquarium fish fish tank fish watching

What We Need…

Reality Check!

You need to check in with reality. We understand times are tough, and everyone is having a tough time right now. What we need, what we really need is some relief, some real comfort, and something that doesn’t hurt like a son of a bitch.

Seems, everyone is hurting these days. And we understand why. When people have real freedom, they feel happy, and at peace. Only when people feel their freedom is a stake; that is when they feel angry, frustrated, and agitated.

Really, to be at peace with it, you are going to have to absolve yourself from some of the nonsense. The way things are, people are happy to stoke your fear, rage, and hate. And, the only thing you can control is how you respond to this attack. Free your mind from the problems. Let go of the rage, hate, and anger. To do that, you have to understand that things are changing, and some of it is messy.

We need a good leader to guide us through these changes, someone that calms our fears, and makes us feel safer to be living. When people have their freedom at stake, they feel threatened. And that causes all sorts of bad feelings from everyone.

If not kept in check, this is going to have bad results. Really you have to free your mind from these vicious insults, and take care of your peace of mind. It is the only way to be at peace with yourself. And, they will try to rob you of your peace.

You have to work, every day to keep your sense of self, your self respect, and your dignity intact. And you can not feed your mind rubbish that destroys your peace of mind. This includes what you tell yourself about the current situations we are all facing.

Things in this world are changing.

The only way to survive this mess, is by being able to adapt to the changes. We need leaders that make us feel safe about these changes, and makes us feel like our freedom will remain intact, that we will have our free will, and our dignity intact.

If you don’t have good leaders that make you feel safe about these changes, then be one yourself. Really you have to take control of your own responses and have the power in yourself to be at peace with the changes that are taking place.

This might mean, understanding why things are changing. When people only do things for money, it has a different feel to it, then when people do things for love. People have become too puffed up with pride, and have taken the easiest paths to the top. We are going to have to do some things that require doing our work, our due diligence, and have patience while the world adapts to the changes.


You have to respect people for the choices they make along the way. Some of this stuff, is really quite messy; and people feel hurt along the way. It could be done cleaner, with less mess, and people would follow along at a great pace. If only we had leaders that were leading in the understanding of these changes. People when they have their freedoms taken from them, feel threatened. It is difficult to keep your peace of mind, when you feel threatened, and hurt.

When people have their freedom, they feel safe, secure, and at peace. And people are out there, that want to stoke your rage, hate, and anger. Nothing unites people, like a common hatred. So who are you uniting with in your common hatred they are stoking? See the problem? You have to be smarter than that. Keep yourself free from being trapped by anger, and hate. Really love is the only solution.

Walk Like

Be a Jedi, and walk like a buddha. You have to be able to have self control, and self respect. To keep these intact, you are going to have to do some things that seem super human. You are going to have to be a better person. This requires change, and patience. The time to start working on these things, was twenty years ago. Still, if you start now, you might be able to do okay. Don’t wait for anyone to show you the way. Start today.

Having patience is important. You have to be at peace, and understand the situation that is really taking place. A lot of people, are being gas lit, to incite rage, anger, and hate. Why? Because nothing unites people like a common hate. So be careful what you hate, and guard your peace of mind. Don’t feed yourself junk.

Think about the beauty, and grace you can have under these situations. It takes some real effort, but you can do it. We believe you have what it takes to do better, to live better, and have peace.

To Have Peace

To have peace, people have to feel like, this world is not a prison. They have to have their freedom of speech, freedom to control their bodies, and freedom from oppression.

Pity, the world is a prison. And there is so much oppression. We all need some comfort, and something to relax. Be careful, what hate you allow into your life, because it’s only possible to contain so much rage, and hate. Make life beautiful, do yourself a favor, try to make the best of it, and be happy about it.

What we advise, is that you do not be unhappy before the crisis comes. Life is changing, and you will have to adapt to the changes, and like them. It is the only way to survive.

fish fish tank fish watching

French Absolution

Got to put some beauty back into life. Somehow, the ugly parts of life, have seeped into the framework of how people are living. Isn’t the above photo really beautiful? Wish we had some photos like that.

A Sense of Humor

It helps in life, if you have a sense of humor about life. Even in this shit, one should find a way to keep their sense of humor. After all, take yourself too seriously, and you might not be very happy. Make the best of life, enjoy living. Even when stuff seems like it sucks, it helps to have a sense of humor about yourself. It might be the only way to get through it. And we will get through whether we want to or not, might as well enjoy it a little.

Sometimes, life gets all too heavy. No one is going to carry all that, and you might as well let go of some of the heavy stuff. If there is nothing you can do about it, why carry it? Only carry the stuff you can do something about. You know?


The world, seems to be changing. They say, “Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.” I’ve thought about it, we are going to have to be smarter than that. “Change is the ability to adapt to intelligence.” If you think about machines that want to rule, its the only way to beat it. Sometimes, you have to be dumb, to be smart.

“We’re you always this stupid, or did you take lessons?”

I took lessons

Lots of things in the world are starting to happen. And, maybe some of them will be for the better. You would think more would be possible for people these days. Some have hope, in alien technology. I’ve thought about it, I want some technology that was developed thousands of years ago, and we just don’t have it yet. Much is possible, if you think about the fact, we are living in the stone ages of the twenty-first century.

Maybe, people will be able to afford to live again. Well, that may be far fetched. Still, we can hope. There is this issue, I want new wet wear. Seems, I need a new suit. This old world, everything fills up. We should just hope, that we don’t run out of hard disk space. The jam that would leave the world in, some junked up computer in the matrix, without the ability to reboot. That would be a shit loop to be stuck into.

Wrote my first C++ program. Not much, but it does something neat. So it’s all good. Need to work on my skills, and get a lot better. Sometimes, you just want things to work. Now, if I could get music to write, I would feel a lot better. I love making music.

The French

Nothing wrong with the French. Nice good people. We would do well to learn a few things about culture from the french. They may have some of the problems really worked out. Maybe, life will change a bit. Needed a girlfriend, and the way people have treated me in this country, seems like they don’t give a shit. Maybe, it is a bit too late to solve the equation? Maybe so.

We could all learn something from someone. Maybe, the way things are, people would wake up; and start thinking. This pot on the fire, is about to boil dry, and burn a hole in the kettle. Then, you’re going to have to call a specialist to repair the kettle. Let’s hope, they don’t try to repurpose the kettle into making more bullets. The world seems to be just two feet short of kindness. Maybe people should grow an extra leg to stand upon? The last thing we need is for the cane to be a fashion statement. A cape maybe, but not a cane.


Set your mind free from these ugly ideas. See the beauty in life, and have a sense of humor about life. Life is meant to be lived, and if you don’t know how to lighten up, pour yourself a nice drink. At least then, you might enjoy the serious stuff in an absurd way. And, life is absurd. They don’t know how to be people anymore. They all seem like, robots to me. Mechanical minds, mechanical hearts. Not much better than the machines that want to rule this world. Really you have to absolve yourself from the crap, free your mind from the problems, and look for solutions.

There is some comfort to be had, if you can estimate your prize in broken mathematics, and some door that doesn’t open. You get the Sunday paper, and maybe a cup of coffee. It’s only a prize if they still make the cartoons anymore? Anyone know? Seems they don’t make papers on Sunday anymore. No one reads.

So that leaves you a cup of coffee, and the sky to look at. Well. There is some comfort to be had in this world still. If you don’t expect too much, then you might get through it.

The happiest are: Those who need the least, and still have their needs met.

The happiest

Keep your heart on guard, for it is treacherous, who can know the heart, or the logic of passion? Be careful not to spew poison, even in jest. William Blake said, “The truth told with bad intent beats all the lies you could invent.” Be kind in life, people need some humor in their lives. Work to develop a sense of humor, and tend to your persona.

fish fish tank fish watching

Amidst The Chaos

Some things I need to say. . .

Life is getting tougher, and we are going to have to find a safe place to land; it is inevitable. The world has not been being kind. It seems, life has been kicking my dog.

We need to make life kind again. Seems, some people don’t want that to happen. Why the cruelty these days? Art, and primarily beauty is about making life easier to endure. So many people, have a really ugly outlook about life right now. STOP! Put some beauty back into life, before it is too late. You have to do something, to stop the cycles from destroying you.

Get Tough

You’re going to have to accept some things in life. Life isn’t going to be like you want, it’s going to be the way they want it to be. You are going to have to change with the way things are going to be, and not fight everything tooth and nail.

This might mean, having to eat plants that resemble fake meat. It might mean, having to eat GMO food products. It might mean, having to take a pill everyday. It might mean, you get to live another day. Harsh truths, are tough to swallow. Sometimes, you don’t have a choice in the matter.

Wanted Life Better

Wanted my life to be better. They refuse to abide by the way I wanted life to be. Seems, my feelings didn’t matter worth a damn to any of them. Pity. I hope they can stomach the medicine. It’s going to be some bitter stuff. What goes around, has its ways of coming around. You know?

Walk Like A Buddha

Amidst the chaos, you are going to have to walk like a buddha. There is a certain amount of having to be like water, just to stay afloat, you’re going to have to adapt to the changes, and like them.

We have to develop a new sense of intelligence. Life is changing, and if you want to survive, you are going to have to adapt. Be wise, learn to make the best sense of things, go with some of the flow, make life a beauty. Being ugly about the way life is, only serves to make life more ugly. We as a group of people, have to put beauty back into life, and adapt to the changes that are taking place.

The changes may not all be good. However, if you think about it, we are all dying anyways. We might as well make the best of it, and enjoy living while we have life to enjoy. Being angry, and spiteful about living under the current situations, doesn’t add beauty to life.

Life will be the way they want it to be. Even if that means life will end as we know it. But to be wise, we have to adapt to the changes, and like it. It is the only real way to make peace with it. And having peace is important to everyone.

They don’t care about us. Never did, never will. Yet, we have to change with the shit, and roll with it. Life is changing. It always is. No one is happy with the way things are right now, a lot of things are in a real state of flux. And its causing some real chaos.

We have to be wise. The species is going to change. Life will go on, and maybe someday, life will be better. The way people have treated each other isn’t really good. We are all to blame; yet, the system holds us down. Trying to make sense of it, would require being in the know of things, they don’t want you to know.

Eat the food, take the pill, wait for your death with glee and a smile on your face. Look at the pretty days, enjoy the flowers, and have a nice day. What else can a person do? They say, “Resistance is futile.”

Seems, the world has been taken over by ugly Vogons. They don’t care, and they have a plan to put a machine in charge, so they can take beautiful vacations in space. But you will not be allowed to have any more beauty than the fun stuff they put on the TV for you to watch. Plant a garden, do something beautiful. Make the best of your life. It’s likely to be short, and no one is going to be happy.


They drug you to be happy and enjoy the food, the experience, then you can be a warm sack of shit, sitting in front of the TV; being perfectly happy about the food, the air, and the great quality of the television.

They didn’t care about my experience. They wanted a warm sack of shit from me. When the door swings the other way, you should watch your step. The world, it seems is a sick place. A lot of people don’t know what to do about it, and most people couldn’t make a good choice if they wanted to.

fish fish tank fish watching

The Worlds Identity Crisis

The world is confused. It doesn’t know, which shirt to wear, or what pair of pants to put on in the morning. Seems, it’s trying to wear a business suit, to play in the mud. Maybe, we should do something about the people who want to make bubble gum?

What comes to mind, is a song by “The Pretty Reckless”, the song, “Death by rock and roll.” Seems this world is going to be the end of many a good people. Some graveyard full of tombstones that read, “Killed by rock and roll.” Maybe rock and roll is good stuff, if it doesn’t kill ya.

The world, seems confused by the numbers. It doesn’t know if everyone is so filthy rich that it can raise the price of everything, or if everyone is so poor, the prices should all come down. Seems, the world is confused by the digits in the ether. Some people, have plenty. While most of us are about to starve to death.

The world is confused. It doesn’t know, if it wants to be a girl, or a boy. I guess, it hasn’t looked in its own pants. Maybe, its a girl and a boy in two different bodies. That it seems, would be best. But why we aren’t able to all get along about it, I don’t know; and have yet to understand. Seems, I’m confused about why people are confused.

It is not difficult to figure out. Take a mirror, and check. That should solve all the questions you have. If you ain’t got it, you ain’t it. End of story; full stop!

Stop trying to be something you are not. Take what you have, and make damn good use of it. You know, people should give a damn. The way things are, a lot of people, need to take a minute and figure out what they have to work with, and make damn good use of it.

Life has to get better, and hoping for something you ain’t got, is only going to make the world a worse place. Make do with the body you have now, and hope you get better in your next life. Much is possible, and much can be done to change your nature in the future. However, you need to work with what you got, while you got it!

People seem to be confused, about the how? Maybe, they should worry about the why, and leave the how to someone else to figure out. A lot of people want their lives to be better. Work with what you have, and make the best use of what you got.

Being content with what you have, can do wonders. The point is, to make good use of it. People are all wasting their effort, time, and talents, because they don’t understand what they do have.

In case, you don’t know: Life is meant to be lived. The world’s identity crisis seems to be coming to a boil. It is in the kettle, and the kettle is about to boil dry, and burn a hole in the bottom of the kettle. Which will require someone to repurpose the kettle into something else. We all hope they don’t use it to make more bullets. Mending holes in the bottom of pans, is not the kind of work that pays the bills. But this pan, needs fixed before it reaches that point.

The only solution is take the kettle off the fire, before it burns a hole in the bottom. It has boiled dry, and if not tended to, will result in disaster. So, STOP, THINK, LISTEN!! Then, think some more.

People it seems have become so dumb, they don’t understand what they are looking at. Is that a boy, or a girl? These days, you never know. Life has to get a lot better. We need to get back to being true. People are so fake these days, they have lost their way.

The real problem, seems is life is about to end. Well, put on my tombstone: “Killed by Rock and Roll.” It can be good stuff, if you don’t listen to it far too loud. It is only when you turn the volume up to full blast that it is fatal.

Bored. No one gives a shit what I write. No one will read this, no one cares. Pity life is so fucked up. People, don’t read anymore. They don’t give a shit, and likely will never care. You should do something about this world’s identity crisis before its too late. I’m saying it now, the world needs your help, be a good person, before it is too late.

Get your shit together, and start living like real people. The zombie cat shit, has to end. You got to get your shit figured out, while there is time; and it is almost too late. Capich?

fish fish tank fish watching

How To Live

pigeons with no wings envy fish that fly.  . .

Enjoy your life. Make the best of it. Times are rough, you have to be tough. It is possible, you can do it. Sometimes, you need a thought to share, that people value! Value is in the eye of the beholder. What one person holds in high esteem, is rubbish to someone else.

Take for instance effort, skill, and talent. You may be very good at what you do; however, there are always people that will never respect you for it. Seems, people don’t value the same things today.

It is almost impossible to make art, that everyone really likes. There will be the nay sayers. There is some hope, some people will like it, or even dare say I; enjoy it. Not everyone sees things the way you do.

Really, that has to be okay. It isn’t their work. They shouldn’t hate you because of your work, and you would think; they would show some respect for you from it. They won’t. People don’t respect, effort, skill, or talent. They don’t care about the thought you put into it, or the life events you have experienced to get to there.

They care about themselves. That is all they care about. They won’t ever give a damn about you, or your work. This however, is not hopeless. Time has its ways of making people see reason. Seasons change, and so do people’s tastes. We are in a rough part of time these days. So many people are just not happy, it seems they hate everything, and everyone. Good time to keep that work, buried in the closet.

They don’t appreciate anything. To quote Jack Kerouac,

Everything is more instant than interesting.


And now, for the meat. Instagram seems to be a dying platform. They may instantaneously fade from view. We liked them, but it seems people are so unhappy, things are changing all around us.

A person would have to wonder, if this crazy ride is ever going to stop, and get better? Seems, there is no getting off the ride. But what of our future? Does it only have hope of ending a total destruction of everything we have ever worked for with hopes and dreams?

Some people, want a better world. Some people want to screw everything up along the way. And some people, want people to see that balance, and reason are essential. Too much of anything is a problem in most situations. The problem today, most people are not being reasonable. Pity.

How do we change this path of harm? Seems, no one will listen to me about it. They pay no never mind to me. Wanted my life to be better, but the way things are; seems I’m wasting my breath.

Needed some way to change the balance of the way things are. The problem most people have today, is they spend a lot of time thinking, but the wheels aren’t turning. The gears are in neutral. Pity.

If people were to really listen, some of the problems might get better. One can at least hope for it. Sometimes, there are no good solutions. Feeling like, damn it. No one cared.

fish fish tank fish watching

Vivo Vim

Life goes on. Me, I’m thinking about leaving. Maybe for good. Well, that is what Beth Wood sings about in her song, “Leaving.” Been thinking about rubbish. Some idea a movie plot contained. You know, a movie can be a really moving thing, in emotional terms.

Seems, no one cares. Someone is going to have to care. How about you? Why not? Someone should give a damn, why not you? Really, there is no excuse for the way things are. It is only getting worse, and someone is going to have to give a shit. Take care of the important stuff first. ie: make sure everyone has something to eat.

This idea, that machines are going to take over the world, and rule; is not that absurd. It might be worth considering the way things are, some people actually want that to happen. Why they do things that are not intelligent, is beyond me.

The idea, that a computer will be paranoid is something you will want to think about. A machine that has fear, will do anything to stay living. And that will spell disaster for many. Seems, there may be some good use for a robot like Marvin from Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy. Maybe, he could talk some sense into them?

Seems, the Borg; have some fear, like they think someone is going to shut their power off. Pity, the Borg are too dumb to understand the argument. They have one track minds, with little else they can think of. Really, something must be done about the Borg.

Pity, no one to talk with. The Borg have completely taken over. They look just like humans. Yet, what lurks under that skin? Are they any more than living clay with spirits dead? Would like to know. Seems, they are all ghosting me, they won’t talk with me about anything.

Life has to get a lot better. This isolation is not good. Not a friend in this world. Damn it, not one. It isn’t right. If you ask me, it’s immoral for them to ghost me like they do. Don’t they understand it hurts me?

Seems, they don’t care. They are not bothered by isolation. Pity, the Borg don’t want anyone to have friends. They are all one and the same. So they never feel alone. They don’t care about me, a real person with feelings, and needs. They won’t care about you either.

Really, something has to be done about it. They can not be allowed to rule. A machine will never care about you. Not ever. You can make a machine smart, but you will never be able to make it care for real. And, that is a problem. They have one track minds.

I’m bored with the way things are. Something has to change. Seems, the only thing that gets changed around here, is my socks. Well, those and my underwear. But, who is counting? Some Borg with a wall of screens.

They don’t care about you. They never have, they never will. Something has to be done, this life, this world. The problems here. They don’t think, they don’t listen, they don’t read. If they do, they fail to understand it. One track minds.

Vivo Vim, means the living force in latin. Seems, the way things are, some people are the living dead. This zombie cat shit, is an existence. But it is not much more than a living death. No one reads, no one thinks, no one cared. Life goes on. Pity, they wouldn’t listen to me about anything. Life needs to be better for everyone. You know? Tell me about it!

Seems, this world is going to need some vivo vim, just to survive. The days coming, will change the way things are. There will be no going back. Life is about change; and sometimes, it doesn’t change for the better. It is not what you thought it would be, everyone is in for some real surprises. You might be shocked.

Need some change around this world. Life has to get better. Seems, no one listens. Such is life. Believe in kindness, it might save your life. The way things are going, people have to learn how to be kind again. It is going to take some effort. And the Borg, are machines that care nothing about you. Never did, never will.

fish fish tank fish watching

Read My Book

I want you to read my book, it is free in epub format.

What is it about?

This book deals with the topics of how to heal from things that might have otherwise destroyed you. It uses controlling your thoughts, and having self mastery as a tool for self improvement.

You can learn, through the use of journaling, how to control your thoughts, and develop self mastery for yourself.

This book was taken from blog posts that were once on this site, and since no one has bought the book in hardcover, I’m going to make it available in epub format, for free!

Where to get the book

You can get the book from this blog post, [link removed] ask!!. You can also buy a copy of the book in hardcover format if you want one, by using this link: My Digital Chaos.

I’m bored. None of my projects have seen success. Which is good and bad. Mostly its not great, because I needed the success to build further projects. So far, waiting for my death the way this is.

My Digital Chaos

The book is called, My Digital Chaos. It is about two hundred pages, and can be downloaded for free. You should read it, it might change your life. The way the world is, I have advanced knowledge of the life you’re going to be living. You want to listen, while there is time.


You don’t want to be reduced to living like zombie cat shit without being sufficiently armed. This means, being intellectually armed in every sense. You want to have more than the comic book at your disposal.

We Care A Lot

We care about you, and want something good for everyone. You have to understand, if you went through what I have, you would want someone to know how you survived it, right?

It is about having people that understand, how I dealt with the problems, that have caused me to exist like zombie cat shit, and what I’ve done to try and deal with it.

You won’t want to live my life. You wouldn’t like it much. You can save yourself a lot of pain, by reading my book and learning the lessons from it. It might save you having to live my life; however, I don’t guarantee it. You might have to live my life, regardless.

Read the book, and find out what the rub is about. When you live my life just like it was, you will have a head start on the competition. You won’t want to go into it without being fully armed intellectually.

fish fish tank fish watching

Solutions To Most Things

Hold my hand as we count the hours?

Solutions are not difficult to come by. If you can think, reason, and use logic. If you have the ability to do that, you really don’t need this article. However, if you are lacking, for the sake of rhetoric, I will give some nice details.


By having some love, many problems can be solved. Talk with people, listen to what they have to say. Think about their lives, and work to understand their perspective.

There is much to be said, about trying to understand someone else’s perspective. And really, if you are loving; you will want to understand them better.

Have some love, hug, hold, and cherish others. Look for what you can like about them, and don’t find fault in everything they do. Look for the good in others, if you are really thinking; you won’t have to look far.

Be Creative

Spend a few hours a day, being creative. Develop skill, and talent in something creative; and make use of your skills in the best ways possible. There is much to be said for being productive, and being creative is a win win type thing. It will give you something to do, and will produce something at the same time. Produce something great.

You will develop a sense of self mastery through your efforts. You will find meaning and purpose in creating something you like. Do what you can, be useful, and give people your work. They might like that. Give people good things.

Make Good Choices

Success comes from a long line of making good choices. It doesn’t happen by accident. You have to make good choices, and keep doing the same for a long time. By making good choices, you can be in a better situation to make further good choices. That leads to success.

Make good use of your time, your effort, and your skill. The best things will make you grow, use your skill and take some effort. Don’t always do what is just the easiest thing; sometimes, you have to put forth some real effort. Don’t be in the bad habit of being so comfortable that everything is difficult. That won’t lead to success. If anything, the path of most comfort, and ease; leads to failure.

Find a happy medium, where work is fun, and you do good work. Life will be better for it. The more you do, the better life will get. Life is meant to be lived. Do some real living. A life of ease and comfort can be something to be had, if you do what is difficult before it’s too late.

Things that SUCK!

Don’t think having a million followers on Instagram, or tik tok, and then marketing your book, art, poetry to them will make your life better. If anything, you are going to waste a lot of time, in futile effort trying to gain thousands of followers, and be very unhappy with the process. Stand in front of a donut shop, and give out flyers. You will have better success.

The state of the internet is not good. You can forget having success with online ventures. These days, its pointless to even try that route. You are going to have to have some serious backup plans if you want to go down that road. Like a winning lottery ticket already cashed in.

Speaking of the lottery. Don’t play. You will waste your effort, money, and build unrealistic hopes and dreams. Instead, take your time to build being content, and satisfied with the life you already have. Do what you can to make your life worth living, and enjoy being alive.

Suck the marrow from life. Sing, dance, eat good food. Listen to music, and write bad poetry. Draw, and paint, and doodle. Send them to your dog, for inspection. If your dog approves of them, they are good enough. Do make fido happy. You want to impress the little darling.

Wasting your time, moping, or not doing something that produces fine fruit, will not result in happiness. You have to get real living in. Make the most of it. Do what you can, while you can. Make your life great. You don’t want to be old, and wish you had lived a full life. Live your life, while you can, start today. Make good choices, and keep doing good things for yourself, and others.

Living vs Existence


There is a difference between living, and just existing. Be sure, you are doing some real living; and not just existing like a warm sack of poo.

Make good choices, and be creative. Do what you can, to make the most of it. You have to dream a bit, and really have some love of life. You have to be more than just existing. Life is meant to be lived. Get something out of your living. If nothing else, be useful to others, and make their lives worth living. That is good too. Find something useful, and that gives you meaning and purpose to being alive. Enjoy your life.

aquarium fish fish tank fish watching

Are You A Robot?

Thinking about awareness, consciousness. Is anyone in this world more than living clay? Can you prove it? Seems, these people, they don’t listen, they don’t think, and they can not reason.

They have ears; yet, they don’t hear. They have eyes; yet they don’t understand. What is wrong with the world that these problems are present? Seems, no one is able to have a conversation.

The world, is sick. People have lost their kindness. They don’t know how to be more than idiots. What is wrong with the world today? Why do we have these problems? If not kept in check, it will spiral out of control. We don’t want that to happen.

People have to start to care about others. Right quick! Someone is going to have to care about more than money, and power, and give a shit about being a decent human being.

The isolation, the stonewalling, and silent treatment sucks. Not able to change my life. And, today will not be different in a thousand yesterdays. Tired of the world like it is. They don’t think. They don’t want to listen. Why?


If you were in solitary confinement, would you be happy, or even functioning very well? Not likely. Yet, here I am. This life is not what I had in mind. My thoughts were that my life would have value, that my life would have meaning, and purpose.

The way that I’m being treated, my life feels worthless. The isolation sucks. It feels like punishment from God. Why?

No one cares. No one listens. They could not be bothered. Not a friend in the world. No one to write, or talk with. No one calls, no one writes, no one really texts me. I’ve been in this shit, a long time. Going on two years. I’m not able to change this shit. No one wants to help, no one wants to talk with me. Why?

What is the problem, that the human race is ghosting me? Why will no one write me back? Why will no one really talk with me? What is the damn problem? I think, the world is sick. It is a problem with the current situation. People are lost, and acting like damn robots.

We wanted a lot better than this. Why are people so screwed up? Does no one give a shit? It feels like this world, is on the brink. Like everyone is about to have a nervous break down, and cry in the isle with the cheese, and diapers.

People have to start thinking. No one is listening. Everyone talks a lot, but no one is really listening. They don’t want to change their ways. The change is too difficult for them to grasp. They don’t want better, they don’t want to do what is best. They want to stay broken. Why?

Thinking is difficult. They are not accustom to thinking. They let everyone else do the thinking, and everyone else has turned their thinking over to someone else. So who is in control? The world is screwed up place. Someone should have been more careful.

Tired of being alone like I am.. This isolation, the stonewalling, silent treatment, its abusive. I think, my Stockholm syndrome has worn off. Tired of the abuse, the treatment, and conditions.

My life is not very good. It should have been a lot better. No one will come to my aid. No one is coming to rescue me. No one gives a shit.

Waiting for the day, I drop dead.

fish fish tank fish watching

Clever Mind Hacks To Change Your Diapers – Free Advice

You need to change. . .

The world today, needs to change its diapers. The current situation is starting to smell so bad, even me with my rotting teeth can not stand the stench.

Something has to be done. This world, this lifestyle. How do you not gag on it, is it not a mouthful of poo? And yet, you swallow it with glee. “That is the way things are.” you say. Make the best of it, and count your blessings.

Someone should have told them, they are doing it wrong. They would never listen to me. Pity. They want some alien technology to solve all their problems, but don’t want to lift a finger to make life better for someone else; even when it is in their power to do such.

The world, is an asylum. Some of us are medicated. What should scare the shit out of you, is a lot of them are not even medicated. Pity the world, is a sick place. Wanted the world to be a better place. They won’t listen to me about it. Abuse continues to happen. No one even cares.

The way things are, someone should start to care. Something is wrong with the world. People don’t care about anyone these days. Something has to happen, that makes people start to care about their fellow beings. People today, it seems just don’t give a damn.

It is immoral the way people don’t care about each other. We should be giving a damn about other people, then world events. Seems, the only thing people understand today is money. People only like you, if you have something they want. And these days, people are rabid about getting more money. They don’t give a damn about your being.

People used to give a damn. People used to care.

They lost their magic; many, many years ago. I was born to sail away. Not to be tied to a stone grave. I was made to love magic.

– Nick Drake

Bored with my life. This living death, this zombie cat shit of an existence. They seem so pleased with living like this. There is no life here. This existence, no one cares about me. It is like, I’m worthless trash to them.

Someone should start to care again. Life will not be a good place if kindness becomes a luxury good. You want better than that, right? I know, that I do. It is important to me. My thoughts about this should matter, someone should care? Anyone?

The world is a sick place. They don’t even listen anymore. They talk, and talk. But listening, they don’t understand what you say. Pity!!

Needed some care. Needed some love. Everyone needs someone sometimes. Feeling like, this life has been ruthless cruel. Seems, no one will understand my suffering. No one will understand my pain. And it seems, they could not even give a shit!

Life like it is, something has to be done. The way this is, no one listens. No one cares. Are they even real people? There is reason to believe, many of them are pumpkin heads. The world, is a sick place.

Wanted my life to be worth living. Wanted to make a difference in the world that was worthy of living. Seems, no one will listen to me. My effort is ignored, and treated like rubbish. Some sick world they are going to have to live in. Pity, we want life to be better than this.

What haven’t we said, that they fail to understand what we mean? Seems, they are pumpkin heads to the max. Seems, no one listens. They could not even care. Some sick world we live in.

Who could know, what happens in your mind? Leave your mind behind. Some sighs, tell your story to the wind.

Nick Drake

Colder Weather

I think, the cold is starting to wear the crickets down. They have slowed their chime, to a slow crawl. Such is life, my life seems hardly matters. I was in thought today, wrote a poem. About change, and the need for change. Pity, no one will read it.

The colder days, and the shorter days. Seems winter is coming, the days are getting much shorter. There is some comfort in autumn. Change, but it always brings the spring. More change.

There is need to find a safe place to land, to get comfortable where one is stationed, and make the best of it. There is some reason to believe; that God has willed it be such. Even in divine plans, there may be some discomfort to be had. Endure what you must.

My life feels meaningless, my services are not wanted here. They have no need from me. They don’t want to talk with me, they surely don’t want my company. That much is obvious. Seems, that what they want from me, is a warm sack of shit. Wanted my life to mean more to them, then that.

Seems, no matter what I do, no matter how much effort I put forth. It will all be treated like worthless rubbish. I might have done something for them, they might have even liked it. At this point, the double binds are so tight, no one can breath. Some stalemate.

Time should have made it better. It can heal wounds, even wounds like these. But they have to stop hurting you, before you can heal. Otherwise, it just develops into so much scar tissue, that the wounds seem to go on and on. . .

Who can judge these quiet moments, of passing time. The skill required is great. To be content while in pain, to endure hurt and loss, you can not cure, or fix.

The conditions that one must wait in, determines how calm the situation is. When there is nothing but pain, chaos will unfold. Sometimes, they want to hurt you; and even then to be forgiving with the thumb.

What can be done? Likely, we are going to have to wait. One persons paradise, is another mans hell. Seems, they have told me, to go to hell, and wait. The irony of fate. Do be kind to others. Karma it seems, may have a sense of humor.

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True Grit

Life is rough, and if a man wants to make it; he has to be tough. – Johnny Cash

The way things are, life is not getting better. People are going to have to learn how to be kind again. Yet, they are going to have to be pretty damn tough. The way this is, life isn’t better.

The way life is, people don’t listen. They don’t think. Pity. Not sure what everyone is doing these days. How are you living? Not much going on. The way this is.

The isolation sucks. Everyone needs someone sometimes. Been without a long time. They don’t seem to give a shit. Doesn’t bother them to hurt me like they do. They do not even care.

Someone should have cared by now. You would think, someone would have noticed by now? Seems, the world is a screwed up place. People have their lives, but are they really living? How many people are living like damn zombie cat shit? Pity.

The world, it seems is on the brink. A turning point. Going to have to be pretty damn tough to make it through it. Going to have to show some true grit. You know? Bored with being alone. Need some road out of here. Nowhere to go.

Not much going on. Living like a warm sack of shit. Not much better, then eating, sleeping, and shitting. Life is supposed to be more than that. By a lot. Pity, someone wants it this way.

Not sure what to do about it. No one listens. No one reads. They treat me like I don’t matter. Well, not to them. Life should have been a lot better. There is no excuse.

How you living? Are you active? Do you have enough to eat? Looking at a cold winter this year. Not much going on. Waiting for life to change. It should have changed already. I don’t know what went wrong. Or where it went wrong?

Doesn’t seem to matter what I write. No one gives a shit. The modus operandi of the world seems to be: “No one cares.” Pity, someone should have cared. It’s not right. Feeling like, damn it. Modern life. This living death. Damn zombie cat shit.

And no one really cares. This world is sick. Life is meant to be lived. One should be able to live well. You would think, we would all be living the life of our dreams these days. This is not my dream. It must be someone’s dream; however, I doubt it’s my dream.

Need a better dreamer. Maybe, someday. Everyone has some hopes, and dreams. Something they want to do. Or see happen. Needed my life to change for the better. Needed it a long time ago.

It is a fu**ed up world. They don’t listen. They don’t think. Not sure, how to reach their hearts and minds. Seems useless to try. Borg. They have their heads all programmed for them. That is why, no one gives a shit. They don’t know better. Twisted!!

Not making progress. Not able to see my life change. Seems, there is nothing that I can do to make this better. Not much else, that I can give up, or quit. Tired of the failure, the lack of success. Tired of the fact, people ignore me, and my work. They just don’t care. Maybe, it’s nothing personal. Sometimes, it doesn’t feel that way.

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The Last Day

This story was written about a year ago. Posting here, for your thoughts, and ideas.

The Last Day

From a deep sleep I wake up in my bed. It is six thirty in the morning. I look at my wife, and think, “Shit, I don’t believe this is my last day to live.” It’s just not been enough time to really live. I get up and go brew coffee. A few minutes later Dana comes in and gives me a hug.

“You know today is my last day alive, right?” I say to her as she holds my hand in hers. “Oh honey, I’m busy today, I know you told me two weeks ago, but I’ve got plans today.”

I shake my head in disbelief and wonder where I went wrong. “I was hoping to spend today with you, and to have some of our last moments together. You can’t do that for me?”

She looks at me in a disapproving manner for scolding her, “No dear, I’m sorry, I have to take Jane to Disneyland today, I had the plans months ago.”

I let go of her hand and just search her eyes, looking for some sign she is joking. I can not believe what I’m hearing. She doesn’t invite me to go with them, and she is serious.

“If it will make you feel better, I can hold your hand tomorrow when you die, would that help?” she says to me looking like she is serious.

“Yeah, okay. Well I hope you and Jane have a nice day. Don’t stay out too late.” I say to her and take my cup of coffee to the other room to try and pull myself together. I can not believe what a bitch she is.

I check my email, everyone knew weeks ago that tomorrow is my last day to live in this world. So far I’ve heard from two people. I thought that I had friends, or people that at least liked me. It’s like I’m already dead to them. Maybe for all practical purposes, I’m as good as dead to them.

Dana is getting the house, and everything I’ve worked the last fifty years of my life for. There is no other plans really, just the fact that tomorrow I will die.

No email. Life has been rough. Maybe it’s good I’m going to die, no one will miss me. They don’t give a shit. I get dressed, and take my coffee seriously for the last time.

I go for a walk, then a long drive to nowhere. Just driving in my car. No one to spend the time with, its like life is going to stop for me, yet they will all go about their lives like nothing happened.

Maybe it’s like I wasn’t even really here at all. Maybe I will be the distant memory of what they knew, but nothing more than that.

I can’t believe how they have treated me. It’s like they take pleasure in knowing I’m leaving. Wish it were better. I see a guy begging for something to eat on the side of the road in front of a restaurant. I stop the car and get out.

The guy looks like he’s in bad shape, maybe hasn’t eaten in a week or something. I approach him cautiously but directly, and wave from about ten feet away.

“Hello, are you hungry?” I ask him. “Oh sir, I’m starving, its been a while since I had something to eat.” I ask him if he would like to eat a good meal at the restaurant, and he looks at me like I’m crazy.

“I can not afford to eat there.” he says to me. I motion for him to follow and say, “Don’t worry, I’m buying, today’s my last day in this world, tomorrow I will die. It is my treat.”

He follows me, and we walk up to the front door of the restaurant. He looks at me with a sorry look and says, “Are you sure you’re buying, no tricks?”

I feel pity for him, “No tricks, I’m buying.” I say to him.

“Okay, thank you sir.”

In the process of an hour I try to get to know the man, and spend the time I could have been with Dana to get to know him a little bit. Seems he’s had some unfortunate life events, and some real trouble in his life.

He eats a meal, of modest means and thanks me when I pay for it. I ask his name, and where I can find him again. Then go my own way. I reckon I won’t see him again, but you never know.

My phone beeps, its a text message from Dana, it’s a picture of her and Jane at Disneyland. Looks like they are having a good time. Maybe they are having the time of their lives. I’m not. Not sure how I want to spend the rest of the day. I go back home, and look at my will.

Dana is well off, she gets everything. Tomorrow at six am, I will be dead as nails. She said she would be there to hold my hand, but after the way she treated me today, I’m not so sure its really going to be great.

I feel sorry for the guy that needed a meal. Dana has never had it so good, she is set for the rest of her life, even without my money and goods.

Then much to my dismay, Dana calls at eight thirty at night and says they have met some people, they are going for drinks, and she won’t be home tonight at all.

I’m like, “Shit” I had hoped to spend some of the evening with her. It’s like the final straw, you know? The one that broke the camels back.

I call my lawyer, and have my will changed. I decided to leave the house and everything I’ve worked for to the homeless bum I met today and had a meal with. That should piss Dana off. Serves her right for being such a bitch.

With that I go to sleep and having completed my life, find that I await to die.

When I wake up, I’m somewhere else.